The Unspeakable Horror

Cue slow clap

2011-10-07T13:44:00.001-07:00

Attn Studio Execs: You're Delusional, and Your CGI SUCKS.

The jury's still out on "American Horror Story"

2011-10-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

So if you read my preview of "American Horror Story," you know I didn't have high hopes. However, I was... maybe not pleasantly surprised, but it kept me interested and left me curious. If you want a good write up on the first episode (spoiler alert), check out Crave Online's synopsis here. For my take, click below. Possible spoilers there as well.

There are clear elements from other works at place here. The house that seems to control the father's mind, leading him to hurt his loved ones, the twin ghosts and the old lady who turns into a seductress are all practically carbon copies from The Shining.

There were also parts of the show that didn't even seem to make any sense. The rubber suit, for example. I'm not sure what the point of that man, whoever he was, violating Vivian was. And then afterwards, I couldn't even tell what emotion Connie Britton was trying to portray with her limp "I love you."

Although I didn't pick up on at the time, it seems pretty obvious now that all of the minor characters (except maybe Larry Harvey, played by "True Blood's" Denis O'Hare) are all spirits who are inhabiting the house. Tate the high school aged serial-killer-wannabe (Evan Peters), Moira the housekeeper (Frances Conroy/Alex Breckenridge), Constance the kleptomaniac neighbor (Jessica Lange) and Addy, her down syndrome daughter (Jamie Brewer), all seem to come and go within the Harmon's house as they please, locks be damned.

All these glaring flaws aside, I think "American Horror Story" may have blown it's load too soon. They've revealed a lot of the story already, it would seem, without any real character development. We're left not necessarily caring about the characters but still wondering what will happen to them. So I guess that's something, if we're left wanting more. I think I'll give it another week.

Coming Soon

2011-10-06T06:41:00.000-07:00

October is usually a great month for horror movies. But with the Saw franchise (finally) going by the wayside, there's no Halloween staple in the horror business. This year's crop of horror movies may be small, but it has some interesting, if not exciting, titles.

The Thing - This is, contrary to popular belief and despite having the same title, not a remake of the 1982 John Carpenter classic but rather a prequel. Universal Studios wanted a remake (of course they did) and the producers convinced them that Carpenter's original is "perfect" and that making a remake would be like "painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa." What do you know, some people in Hollywood actually still have respect for the past. The trailer looks pretty sweet and right in line with the original. Plus, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is fucking adorable.

Paranormal Activity 3 - Speaking of prequels, Paramount takes the PA franchise back to 1988 where it all started. If you've seen the first two, you know that sisters Katie and Kristi were always talking about a traumatic event that happened when they were girls. Well, now we all get to see what that was. I wasn't a big fan of the sequel in this franchise because I loved the original ending of Paranormal Activity and if you've seen it, you know it negates many events in Paranormal Activity 2 (and if you haven't seen it, GO RENT THAT SHIT). This prequel, however, could tie the whole story together and is getting good reviews. Call me cautiously optimistic.

The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) - Possibly the most twisted premise in movie history returns for more with a new antagonist (Laurence R. Harvey) who, after seeing footage from the first experiment, decides he wants to outdo the original and make a 12-person centipede. The first wasn't great. It was mostly sick imagery and one twisted doctor but not really a lot of suspenseful or terrifying moments. Just a lot of ass to mouth. I don't expect this one to be much different.

Really... that's about it, kids. Like I said, a pretty thin crop this year. No zombies, no slashers. I guess we'll have to look to the DTV section to get our jollys. At least "The Walking Dead" is coming back.

Seattle's EMP Museum features horror exhibit

2011-10-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Screw Christmas, I want to fly back to Seattle just for this. For all my friends back home, you need to go check this out and send me so many pictures. Kthnx.

Can't Look Away: The Lure of Horror Film

"American Horror Story" premieres tonight on FX

2011-10-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying I love the fact that horror is finally moving into TV. Ideally, channels like HBO and Showtime, the premium channels, are the best place for these shows because of their lack of censorship, but we'll see what basic cable channel FX is bringing to the table tonight with "American Horror Story," from Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, the creators of "Glee." Yes, seriously.

I have to say, "True Blood" is a little too soap-ish for my taste sometimes, "The Vampire Diaries" is WAY too soap-ish and "The Walking Dead" needs to step up their game after starting with a big bang and then taking a down slide as season one wore on. From everything I've seen and read, it doesn't sound like "American Horror Story" is going to save the genre's television presence either.

For those of you who aren't familiar, "American Horror Story" is about a family who moves to LA after the husband (Dylan McDermott) is caught cheating and the wife (Connie Britton) has a stillbirth. The house they move into was the scene of a grisly murder (and probably built on Indian burial grounds because why not embrace as many cliches as possible?) and soon all kinds of ghouls and goblins come out of the woodwork to put on bondage gear and freak everybody out. Yes, seriously.

My initial impression is that this is going to be like every "horror" story written by non-horror fans* just looking to cash in on the genre's popularity. Predictable, cliche, obvious and more focused on scary imagery and "boo" moments than deep, psychological horror. It sounds like it ~~blatantly rips off~~ was inspired by movies like "The Amityville Horror," "The Haunting" and "The Shining." There are even ghost twins and a seductress who turns into an old woman. Yes, seriously. What's the over/under on how many episodes until the walls start bleeding?

"American Horror Story" premieres tonight at 10pm. Show me what you got, Glee boys.

*Note: I know nothing of the creators' knowledge of horror. For all I know, they are huge horror fans. But if they are, that might make this all the more disappointing. It's like people who love cooking shows but can't make a grilled cheese sandwich.

Complex Magazine's 50 Scariest Movies of All Time

2011-10-05T07:58:00.001-07:00

Not sure how much I agree with this. I'll try to post something similar to this, with my own opinions, in the near future. But for now, chew on this;

Reliving the Horror

2011-10-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

Greetings boos and ghouls. It's that magical time of the year known as October and therefore I have decided to revamp the ol' TUH blog. Instead of just doing movie reviews like the old format, I'm just going to blog about anything and everything horror. So prepare yourselves... for the Horror, THE UNSPEAKABLE HORROR! Muahahahaha.

Wow, that was bad.